Wednesday, September 3, 2014

Dead End

This is surely not the post I ever wanted to write, or even have to think about writing, but I've promised to update and that I shall do.

At our last appointment we got some much needed happy news! We ran home, called our family, posted our news on our blog, and screamed at the mountains tops, praise to God, it was finally time for our IUI!!!!  We began preparing mentally, and emotionally, and even setup a secret registry at Target just to dream a little no matter the outcome while we waited for the monthly visitor to jump start the IUI process...

Friday of the following week our nurse, "W" called to touch base.  At this point she let us know the Dr. would not proceed with IUI.  My A1C was 6.7 and she wants it closer to 6 and I only lost 40 of 60 pounds in 3 months and she wants me to "work harder" and call them back when I get closer to their numbers.  I asked when our next appointment would be, of which she replied there would not be an appointment at this time.  I was told when I worked harder I could restart the process with them.

I wish I was being a negative nancy and feeling sorry for myself and I was exaggerating what was said to me, however I am not.  I asked the nurse how in their right mind would they get someone's hopes up so much, especially someone who they know has PTSD due to child loss, and her response was simple. "You have to work harder."  

Define working harder? Loosing close to 40 pounds in 3 months, lowering my A1c from 7.6 to 6.7..... That is not easy work. 

I'm taking sometime to regroup.  While many would suggest a second opinion, we have already used what our insurance will cover for testing and they are quite expensive.  Our current specialist won't even talk to us about our surrogate we already have...  

Prayer is the only thing keeping me grounded right now.  I feel we've lost a year of our journey with a dr that may not have been the best match for us.  If memory serves us right, she promised we'd be pregnant in 3 months when we started last April, and she had all the tools we needed.

Where do we go from here?  Prayer.  That is where we go.  Our hearts are healing through this process, and we must decide what our options are and hope you all will keep us in your prayers..

Love to all,
Rachel and Jamie


  1. in gods time, things will fall into place, but in the meantime, i am sending lots of prayers......

  2. hang in there, Rachel .... thinking about you and know things will work out for you and Jamie.

  3. I am so heartbroken you were mislead, and treated so horribly. You are amazing. I would love to call this nurse and doctor and give them a piece of my mind, but that wouldn't change anything. However, I am encouraged and inspired to see you put your hope and trust in the One who will never disappoint you. He has things in store for you that are bigger and better than anything you can ask for, above and beyond what you can imagine! Praying for you and Jamie.