Wednesday, April 30, 2014

Side Effects

Not much to update as of yet. I started metformin last Friday as you know, and I've noticed a lot of really good side effects.  Many were reporting some violent side effects but for me I'm having great side effects really!

Suffice to say, I have not upped my intake just yet so that could change, however in less than one week I'm down 11 pounds, and I'm feeling so much more human! I haven't felt this good in years to be honest!  Most days if battle fatigue like it was a war battle, not anymore! 

Yes it is true, when one takes this medicine there are tummy aches and other obscenities, but for the most part it has been really good to me and I feel ready to take it up a notch.

Less than a week away I will begin taking birth control as well, and get my vaccine for chicken pox, and we will have to wait 30 days before the actual treatments will begin, just to be safe as the chicken pox vaccine could be harmful if we were to get pregnant in those first 30 days. Either way, the time is putting along and we will be started in our treatment in no time!

Have a great week!
Jamie and Rachel

Friday, April 25, 2014

The good the bad the ugly

Hello there!
Today has been a really emotional day. I have to be honest here to say I continually talked myself out of posting this, because my pride might be a little bruised.  Then I prayed, and you know, you can't go anywhere in life if you don't grow, so here I go.

We got the test results back today! There is a lot of good news that came back from these tests! Such as there are no issues what so ever with Jamie, my thyroid levels are spot on, I haven't had chicken pox, so I shall be vaccinated very soon against ever getting them, and I now know my blood type. 

The not so pleasant news, my AMH level is 0.61 {egg count}, and I have been welcomed with open arms into the early stages, slightly borderline of diabetes.  The AMH levels do not concern the dr too much, as with age it slowly declines, and with PTSD, and the stress with that, I am at an, ok place.

Was the diabetes a surprise? No. Let's be real for this, my mother has fought diabetes for many many years, and I haven't made the best of choices health wise with life often driving itself. There are no excuses. Just the fact that my A1C level came in at 7.6 which is a combined 120 days, which translates to eAG of 154. 

Less than one hour following the call with my doctors nurse, I had in my hand my newly prescribed metformin. I will start with 500mg 1x per day for 7 days, then tier up until I am taking 1500mg per day.

I have a pending appointment with an endocrinologist, and in about 10 days I will have my vaccine for chicken pox and we will have a 30 day wait time in which no fertility treatments will be given, to protect the chance of getting pregnant as that would be a horrible instance for the fetus.

The truth of the matter, I haven't wanted to change more physically than I do right now. The side effects of metformin have been, violent but manageable, and I am sure there is more to come. Operation healthy baby maker in progress!

I know I talked to so many today and I love all of you so much, and I know when I spoke with you, I may or may not have said I feel like I have failed. As you can imagine, he does not feel this way and has grabbed my face, kissed me about a bajillion times today, and assured me that this isn't the end, but the beginning of something super amazing.  

Now we prepare to move mountains!

Monday, April 21, 2014

Our first appointment on our journey to fertility

After going to our very first appointment today, I can say, I am not so sure what I thought it would be like! Even after speaking to many friends, who too have gone through the process, but today was a delightful surprise.

When we arrived, the place was hopping! Crazy crazy busy. Granted there were two offices in the same "office" but I was pleasantly surprised to find all the mothers to be in the waiting room! 

Not knowing what exactly I was supposed to do, as there was not a blatant sign that said "Check-In Here" I walked up to the counter and immediately a huge smile came across my face. The lady greeting me was excited to see me! She didn't know who I was or anything about me but she welcomed me, and it felt amazing.

After being checked in, Jamie, Angela, and I say waiting. Being as impatient as I am, I may or may not have asked if the Dr. was running on time to which she was! 

Once I was called back they immediately took my blood pressure. It was high, and the nurses assistant said "I'm sure once you talk to the Dr. it will go down significantly!"  She gets me, totally ok with that! {hah}

After we were lead in to our room, a resident nursing student came in, {as I opted to allow them to be apart of this as well considering my situation is very unique, and I want to help them learn} she asked a couple of questions, and the question pertaining to Madilyne. "Oh wow! She's what, 10 now?" {deep breaths}.. I looked at Jamie and looked at Angela and spoke very quietly.. Not because it bothers me to speak about what happened to Madilyne, but I wanted to let the news flow as light as possible, no to scare the nursing assistant. "Madilyne would be 10, but she was murdered by a licensed day care provider at the age of 10 months."  She gasped, took a couple of deep breaths and said she was sorry of course. Very sweet girl, I hope she is there for every appointment.

Soon after the nursing assistant left the dr came in.  She overloaded us {totally welcomed} with information, and how the process would go.  This first initial appointment was to get the blood work accomplished.  

What I love about the Dr. we have chosen is, she is very confident with being able to help us conceive. And soon!  She thinks she can have this accomplished in 3 months.  Jamie and I welcomed her no bullshit approach, because all we have been given over the past 2 years has been bullshit.  She was extremely passionate, caring, and assured me NO patient of hers will ever be refused treatment.  She believes in using all of our options and getting to the ultimate goal.  {Love her!}

Shortly after speaking with her I went down for my blood work.  9/10 tubes of blood were drawn, and thanks to My dear friend Mindy I learned to ask for butterfly needles and it made the process so much more enjoyable! {as enjoyable as giving that much blood can be!}

Then came Jamie's test. The only thing I will say publicly about his test is that it was the most embarrassing thing for him and 6 hours later his face is STILL red!

Through the process I was talking to L, our surrogate, and BFF, and she asked me to take a selfie in the dr office, and this was right before the dr came in, so here's a chuckle for you!

Those are real emotions people! I slept nada last night and the excitement {anxiety} was overwhelming me! :)

We are well on our way to welcome baby Puckett in our hearts and lives!!! Please lift our tests up to God and pray over them and all those that look at them!! 💛

Our next appointment is scheduled for May 20th at 845am, however we should have all the test results back within two weeks. Our next appointment is to figure out our plan of action and get going! :). Exciting times!!

Love you all!
Jamie and Rachel

Today is the day

I know you are probably supposed to sleep the night before such an appointment but how can you sleep the night before this appointment?!?

Yesterday we went and purchased a few books from Barnes and Noble, one specifically for Jamie. He has a few anxieties that were immediately answered, thanks to the book!

He is going with me today, and my sister friend Angela will be there to support us as well. 

It's go time!
Rachel and Jamie

Saturday, April 19, 2014

A moment of silence

9 years ago today was the absolute worst day of my life. I buried my daughter. It wasn't fair, her tiny little body put in a box for all time. I remember throwing up violently in the bathroom of the funeral home just after her funeral before we went to the cemetery.. There were so many tears I didn't know how to handle them. Though I was surrounded by family and friends, there was something huge missing. She was missing. 

Friends, this road never gets easier, and don't let anyone tell you it does, because they're lying. What did change for me was God placed many people in my life that brought sunshine into my life. 

April 14th the day she died, we now celebrate her life as well as Jamie's Birthday. April 19th we buried Madilyne and here 9 years later we are celebrating my nephew Blake's 3rd birthday, as he was born on the day of Madilynes funeral.

 If you believe these are coincidences, you are wrong. This is God, straight from Heaven. Today I urge you, do something for someone else. Be kind, and spread the love. Fly High Madi! 💛💐 

Wednesday, April 16, 2014


I'm up. It's way past time for me to be sleeping and my mind is racing. A million thoughts a minute... The good the bad and the ugly.. Touché.

Next Monday can not come soon enough for my restless self. I need some encouragement that I am not insane to think this could happen. I've had a lot of contradicting feelings over the past week, not concerning whether or not we want to do this, but concerning how long and if I am crazy to purchase a few baby things.

My heart is telling me no matter the avenue we have to choose to being a child into our life, the blessings will come in abundance.. Kind of one of those leaps of faith we have to take in life, and choose to jump.

Jamie and I have talked quite a bit about timeline etc and I think the most important thing for us to do for me and for the baby is to take the biggest leap of faith we can and go for gold right off the bat. Many try all the different medicines in place to assist, however many do not carry all the emotional issues I have already. It's not an excuse it just a fact. Pray with me will you? My heart is in overdrive and it needs a bit of a vacation. 

More to come,

Thursday, April 10, 2014

Paperwork and other fun things that ooze sarcasm

We got it in the mail on Monday.  The stack of official paperwork.  I have never been one to enjoy paperwork, however this paperwork was exciting, and quite hilarious at times.  Maybe that makes me and J childish, but if you can't laugh, what are you doing with your life?

J would be the first to admit, most of the questions on the questionnaire either made his face turn a lovely shade of red, or left him asking me to repeat the question followed by.. "WHAT!?"  Laughing and giggling is healthy.  Is this process comical, absolutely not.  You get me, I know there is no explanation needed, but just in case you have come upon our blog by chance, I figured since you do not personally know me, I should elaborate.  {I tend to do this quite often}

All the paperwork is filled out, we are fully registered, we have successfully verified that our employers cover all we are seeking to do, and are set.  What a blessing!  I assume you know this is a quite expensive process, and truly without the blessing of our health insurance, we would not be able to go on this journey.  The abundant blessings are overfilling our hearts!

Going through online blogs and checklists, I have started now and have cut out soda, among many other things, such a sweets that do not come from fruit, etc.  I'm not an addicted soda drinker, I will choose to drink it if its available, but I do not feel I have to have it.  It amazes me how our bodies feel without all that soda in our bodies.  I am feeling a million times better so far, and am working to limit caffeine.

Point being, I am so scared to quit caffeine.  If you remember in my obsessive exercise days I quit caffeine and ended up with migraines daily.  It was a horrible process, to where I granted myself 1 cup of coffee per day.  I continue to do that today, unless Starbucks is involved, but I am guessing you know the end to that story.  Either way, I know it is not good for a baby, and I am working to remove it the healthy way, and pray against the migraines as they are not welcome.

Not too much longer now, it is so very exciting to think we are going to have a bunch of answers soon.  No matter what our path holds for us, we know the end result will be more than worth the wait!

Hope your week is coming to a close nicely!
Rachel and Jamie

Saturday, April 5, 2014

Where we are

Good Morning! I thought I'd should probably start at the beginning for you guys to let you know where we are. 

Our appointment is scheduled for April 21. From what I understand, it will mainly be the appointment to align with our specialist, to ensure we can begin this journey together. 

My mind has been racing so much. What if it's J, what if it's me? I've been to my yearlies with no mention of issues. It's been two years..  Then come the jokes to raise the air a little bit.  The fact that twins does run in Js family, I told him he's shooting doubles and my body is like "um, yeah no!" All jokes aside, we are finally ready to find out what's going on.

We waited two years, crazy right? I was scared to death for so long to hear the words "you cannot conceive a child". It wasn't until I really began looking into everything to realize there are so many options.  Which brings me to the next big thing. It's huge. 

What if the Dr. tells me I cannot carry after IVF? I can't even put this together in words appropriately because I think I'm still in shock, in a good way. A very adored friend of mine, let's call her L as I am not sure she wants me to say her name here, has offered, so selflessly, to be a surrogate for us. I can't tell you how many days of happy tears I cried.  I don't think I need to answer why, but the realness is PTSD has ravaged my body. I am going to do everything, and yes I mean everything, so we can carry, our own, healthy. 

I feel I should mention that I am not political, I'm just me. I don't get into theories, or forums or anything for that matter. This is for our family, and I hope you can follow along without judgements, it's so hard, I know, but understand this was something so far from my heart and mind and this too is a huge emotional transformation for me, on a very personal level. You get that right? That's why you're here. :)

God is so faithful to us, we depend upon his guidance and love and hope this is the time for us. A friend said it best, Madi is taking her time to pick the perfect sibling :)

Happy Weekend! 
Rachel and Jamie

Friday, April 4, 2014


I do not have many words, but you have amazed me! We broke Blogger! That is so crazy! haha Ok, so many we did not break blogger but we exceeded the number of readers for a private blog.  Jamie and I have decided to make this a public blog, because truly, though it is extremely personal, I am sure my sarcastic tone can play down the naughty bit terms quite well.

We just want to THANK YOU, all of you for being so eager to follow us, and hold our hands.  This is all so new to us, and while it is very exciting, it is scary all at the same time.

Chat soon!

Hello Hello Hello!

A little bitty blog, and a whole lot of stuff coming to you and us in the coming days.  Exciting isn't it?  The girl who thought being a mother again was not an option in her heart, becomes the front mission. It is so amazing to me what the heart can do when you love someone so much.  I adore Jamie so much, and he really really wants us to do everything we can to have a child of our own.  He really deserves that, and God has placed it in my heart, whole heartedly, to give it all we've got to make this happen.

Welcome to our little spot, thank you for loving us, for caring so much to follow our journey.  It means the world to us, and we hope to hear stories from you all as well.

I am a writer, but a horrible writer when emotions are involved, as I love to get invested in those feelings, so hold on tight, I will be writing from the cars, from waiting rooms, from dr offices you name it, you are really coming along for this journey with a front row seat.

Hold on to your hats, there is a Puckett Little being prayed for!

Rachel and Jamie