Saturday, April 5, 2014

Where we are

Good Morning! I thought I'd should probably start at the beginning for you guys to let you know where we are. 

Our appointment is scheduled for April 21. From what I understand, it will mainly be the appointment to align with our specialist, to ensure we can begin this journey together. 

My mind has been racing so much. What if it's J, what if it's me? I've been to my yearlies with no mention of issues. It's been two years..  Then come the jokes to raise the air a little bit.  The fact that twins does run in Js family, I told him he's shooting doubles and my body is like "um, yeah no!" All jokes aside, we are finally ready to find out what's going on.

We waited two years, crazy right? I was scared to death for so long to hear the words "you cannot conceive a child". It wasn't until I really began looking into everything to realize there are so many options.  Which brings me to the next big thing. It's huge. 

What if the Dr. tells me I cannot carry after IVF? I can't even put this together in words appropriately because I think I'm still in shock, in a good way. A very adored friend of mine, let's call her L as I am not sure she wants me to say her name here, has offered, so selflessly, to be a surrogate for us. I can't tell you how many days of happy tears I cried.  I don't think I need to answer why, but the realness is PTSD has ravaged my body. I am going to do everything, and yes I mean everything, so we can carry, our own, healthy. 

I feel I should mention that I am not political, I'm just me. I don't get into theories, or forums or anything for that matter. This is for our family, and I hope you can follow along without judgements, it's so hard, I know, but understand this was something so far from my heart and mind and this too is a huge emotional transformation for me, on a very personal level. You get that right? That's why you're here. :)

God is so faithful to us, we depend upon his guidance and love and hope this is the time for us. A friend said it best, Madi is taking her time to pick the perfect sibling :)

Happy Weekend! 
Rachel and Jamie


  1. I have followed you Rachel for so long. Seen your heart break over and over. Then Jamie came along, and your eyes started yo sparkle again. You WILL be a mommy again. One way or another....there WILL be the sound's of pitter patter feet, and boo boos that can only be fixed with a mommy's kiss. I'm with you for the long hall!!!

  2. Thank you for your love and kind words! Truly means the world to us as we navigate this journey!

  3. I will say it again and are an amazing person with such a loving heart! I am excited for this journey for both you and Jamie. I am excited to go through each step with you!!! And I am so agreeing with Misty...along came Jamie and Rachel has lit up like a kid on Christmas! You got this my have the most amazing Angel right there with you!!!!